“Oh, sweetest name / Is this really who I am? / Do I need your love like a gun needs a hand?” John Van Deusen sings on the opening to his fourth and final album of the (I Am) Origami series. The album is 15 songs (21 if you listen on Bandcamp), and he’s got a lot to say. About his unique relationship with God, his wife, his fellow man, his country, his universe. It’s a timely lyric, to talk about a gun needing a hand with a “pandemic” in its own right, of gun violence in our country. And it captures much of the “belligerent,” gun-toting Christianity in our country over the last ten years, something that John distances himself from on this album.
But he hasn’t divorced himself from Christianity, though he seems to be going through his own “deconstruction.” “I’ve been reading, preparing my world for a reduction / And it’s strange how the other sheep sleep in their own blood.” John knows his audience and their skepticism, and he has his own skepticism, it is clear. But he still holds on tight to his faith, turning a number of songs on the record into triumphant, if complex, worship songs. Songs like the eighth song, which has a Beach Boys’ charm, on which he sings, “I cannot turn my head, nor pretend / To give any less than my best for him.” That “him,” you know from the Origami series, is the God of the Bible. A near anathema in indie rock.
It’s little surprise, therefore, that he seems to share an aesthetic and an ethos with fellow Christian rocker, Jon Foreman of the California breakout band, Switchfoot. In a bold and vulnerable move, Van Deusen lets his sentimental, sugary side show often on this album, in a sonic sense. They are indie rock songs at heart, but he certainly has a certain pop genius about him. He also recalls for me fellow indie rocker, who’s been known to sing about Jesus in his own personal, culturally-aware way, Kevin Devine. Their voices are often dead ringers for each other, and they share a brilliant knack for melodies.
The album on Spotify is about an hour, and add a half hour to that on Bandcamp (something that’s worth it, I think). But John’s been releasing a number of tracks leading up to the release, and his songs are nothing if not replayable. He’s quick on social media and in interviews to be self-effacing and question the real value of self-expression. But he is a sort of movement in and of himself, and shares a great deal of the Pacific Northwest indie ethos. I think these songs will soundtrack some people’s lives for a while, and give them the hope, the direction, the understanding that they need to navigate this difficult time in America.
Like John sings, so many of us are in our “Marathon Daze.” “And I’m overanalyzing every bloody thing / King of nothing more than words that fail to bring meaning to my life.” His solution is to get away to “the places that I go to be alone.” A “cabin in the woods”, “endless fields,” “peaceful dusk and dawn.” At his best, which is surprisingly often, Van Deusen has a way of finding the perfect musical expression for his and our longing. When his voice starts to warble, you know that he’s having a moment.
This album is a series of touching moments, that give a look into what a non-conformist, critical-thinking, deep-hearted, Christ-worshiping person is thinking in these conflict ridden days. The Spotify album ends with the song, “Universal Will To Become Pt II,” and the words, “For there is a whisper / It’s always insisting / That you dance in worship / singing hallelujah.” That would be a bitter pill for some to swallow, but following John through fifty minutes of ups and downs, observations and proclamations, makes you wonder if maybe there’s not something to this “praise” thing.
If you end with the Bandcamp version, the last song is “If I Get To Heaven,” in which he incriminates himself, and perhaps the rest of us, for overlooking the hurting and the needy. At the heart of Van Deusen’s music is a need to bare all and accept the grace that he’s still growing as a person. Thus the four album project. This is a super satisfying end to an impressive collection of songs. He’s committed to his art, he’s committed to his God, and he seems truly committed to his listeners as well. It’s nice to hear someone so earnest, and so talented, give voice to his faith, even if you don’t share his convictions.
https://iamjohnvandeusen.bandcamp.com/album/i-am-origami-pt-4-marathon-daze
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